Small Talk to Conversation

Starting a conversation with someone you don't know very well can be challenging. Once you run out of small talk ("Nice weather" and "These éclairs are good"), what do you talk about? Do you panic in the awkward silence and blurt the first thing that comes to mind? Wouldn't you rather have a meaningful conversation instead of a series of increasingly irrelevant sentences?

This is the key to conversation: find a shared interest. Mention some things that you enjoy doing, find interesting, or are passionate about. If the person reacts to any of them (even if they react negatively), there is the potential for a good discussion (or a friendly, respectful debate). However, be very careful if you start talking about religion or politics, because people can get very upset about those things.

One other thing is extremely important. In fact, it's essential. Be honest with your conversation partner. I cannot emphasize this enough. Most people can understand that not everyone cares about the same things. Never pretend you care. If he or she starts talking about something that bores you, politely say so, or discretely change the subject. If you smile, nod, and make friendly remarks without meaning any of it, the person will get the sense that you are fake. It might not register consciously, but it will be in the back of their minds the next time you meet. Being honest, on the other hand, will give them the sense that you are open and candid, which builds trust between you. Trust is fertile soil for friendship.

I'm not going to give you any complicated conversation guidelines, because those would only distract you when an opportunity to talk arises. You only need to remember these two things: find a shared interest, and be honest. After that, just let it flow.